FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
