I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
