whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
