sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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