I just saw a hot homeless man
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
