they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
