girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
