Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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