I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
