i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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