it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Randomize
