Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
