i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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