I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Randomize
