Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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