Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
