Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
