You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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