So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize