ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
