marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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