Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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