So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
