dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
