He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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