So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
