am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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