I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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