im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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