no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
