I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize