ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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