just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
