oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
