Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
