she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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