sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize