I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
