While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
