Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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