I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
