Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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