so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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