I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
