I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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