I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
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