just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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