Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
