Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
