I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
nutella sex= disaster
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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