if i can run in heels then i can drive
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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