When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
