Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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