Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
