She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
