I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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