He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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