Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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