last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize