Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
