Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
