I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
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