U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
