ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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