Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
