Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
