So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize